Boring

Man for a city that is supposed to be all about the sin, it's pretty fucking boring here. Basically all my friends hate me for not traveling and I've been stuck figuring out what to do here in this shitty town. Of course me not enjoying sin as much as I used to doesn't help either. I used to say fuck it on the weekends and get totally blasted and then find myself enjoying making fun of stupid people. Now, I have quit drinking and smoking cigs and find myself sitting at home bored out of my kind trying to figure out how to have a clean fun time. It isn't working. I see drunk people and automatically start to want a drink. I see people smoking a ciggy and I want to enjoy a ciggy. Then, I wake up the next morning bitching at myself for not taking a drink just to get laid or to at least enjoy myself.


I know what your saying, You can still got o a show or a club and have fun without drinking. The problem is that I wouldn't know how to do that. I've never done that in my life,sadly. I would actually think about my actions if I'm sober and that's no fun for me as if I think too much, I always end up deciding against doing anything for fear of jail,getting some horrible std,ending up in some hood I don't particularly like etc etc. Basically I think too hard about my actions when I'm sober and then freak out. It sucks.


Maybe I should allow myself a monthly drink day. A day where I just get wasted? Maybe I need to go to more of those anarcho-meetings or maybe some hardcore shows? Either way, I need to enjoy my weekends more or else, I'll end up squatting again which is something I don't wanna do.